From Heartbreak to Healing and Empowerment
My journey with my husband began over three decades ago, not amidst the bright lights of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, but within the close-knit community of our theatre group. Our love story was one of shared passions: his for the piano and mine for singing. Together, we created a life filled with harmony, love, and two incredible children. After 32 years together and 25 years of marriage, our duet seemed unbreakable.
However, the script of our lives took an unexpected turn at Christmas 2022. My husband left our family home to live with another woman, unravelling the life and dreams we had built together. In the following year, I was forced to witness this woman stepping into the roles and moments that were once mine, even taking the holiday we had planned together. This betrayal cut deep, not just by my husband, but also by friends I thought I could count on. These friends, who had been part of our lives, appeared to welcome the other woman, leaving me isolated in my grief.
In February 2023, another profound change shook my world. Both of our adult children, my constant companions, and sources of joy, moved out to pursue their careers, leaving me alone in the family home that once echoed with laughter and love. The silence was deafening, the loneliness palpable. Friends who reached out to help were met with my numbness and pain. Heartbreak, I learned, was not just emotional but a visceral, physical agony.
It was during this dark and desolate period that I discovered Laura Doyle's podcasts. Her words were like a beacon in my storm, showing me that I wasn't alone and that transformation was within reach. Despite my limited resources, I joined the Ridiculously Happy Wife program, followed by the coach training program. This was the start of a profound metamorphosis.
The lessons were hard but necessary. I realised I had lost myself - "my Helen" - in the midst of life's demands. I had neglected my own needs, lost sight of my self-worth, and unknowingly pushed away those who cared for me. I had become someone I no longer recognised, consumed by control and devoid of joy. My health had deteriorated; I was overweight and depressed, a shadow of the vibrant woman I once was.
But with each step in Laura Doyle's program, I reclaimed a piece of myself. I found a supportive community of women who understood my journey and encouraged my growth. I learned the importance of self-care, of finding joy in my own company, and of being responsible for my own happiness. Today, I stand healthier, happier, and more confident. I am rebuilding my life, one day at a time, with a newfound sense of purpose.
When my husband left me, my world fell apart. I had not realised how co-dependent I was until then. I couldn't function at home, at work, or socially without him by my side. Without him, I felt reduced to nothing, unsure of how to continue living. This may sound dramatic, but that was my reality. I didn’t want to be dead, but the thought of living without the man I loved seemed unbearable.
What I want to make clear is that I was married to a wonderful, loving, and caring man. He adored and cherished me for over three decades. Our children had an amazing dad, and our family was solid. I was lucky to have had a happy, fulfilling marriage with a truly loving, caring, clever, and talented man.
“It’s like you’re dealing with a death. You’re grieving,” many have told me. In a way, they are right; I am grieving and experiencing everything that entails. Yet, I see my husband living his life without me. His eyes, once filled with love for me, now look sad, confused, and distant. Had he died, at least I would have known he loved me, and we would be reunited one day.
Eighteen months later, I am still triggered by events like anniversaries and birthdays. I find myself crying over seemingly trivial things, like dusting a shelf in the hallway that we bought together to display an antique clock he mounted on the wall—it took him years to figure out how to put up shelves without drilling numerous holes. In the past, I loved receiving Facebook notifications of memories, but now they only remind me of what I have lost.
I am sharing my story so publicly to assure you that with support and a loving community, it does get easier. My friends, family, doctor, and my coach quite literally saved my life.
Like many women before me, the 6 Intimacy Skills have provided me with a roadmap to follow. My coach guided me along this journey and continues to do so. Yes, I still receive regular coaching!
If any of this resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Through coaching, I can help you understand the 6 Intimacy Skills, share my experiences, and guide you on your journey to happiness and the fulfilling relationship you desire.
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